my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
