maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
