my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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