forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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