don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
