As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize