So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize