Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
