I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
