Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
