her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize