Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
