ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
