ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
