So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she woke up with a sticky ear
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
