Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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