I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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