Who did Billy Mays play for?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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