Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
