i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
