Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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