Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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