Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
