Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
