I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
