You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
