the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
whose parrot is this?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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