does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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