Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
