i permit you to call me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
