he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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