She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize