also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
