Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
