....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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