So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
