If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
