Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
