brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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