Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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