and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
