if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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