Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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