obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize