I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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