Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
