careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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