Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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