the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
