are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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