I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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