Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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