Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
