I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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