No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They took my balls.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
