and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
