I think I am morally bankrupt
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
