sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
