Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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