If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
