I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
