My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
