I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mom said you looked used
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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