kristin has been a bad kristin
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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