I cockslap morals
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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