Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
