He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize