His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
