I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
