youre lurking in front of me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There r osticjed everywhere
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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