i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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