just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
