I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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