Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize