i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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