she was so not down for the gang bang
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
