Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
