And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
