when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In America we eat man semen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
