my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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