does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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