I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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