Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
