Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
