his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
