i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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