and she was petting her beer can
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
