She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
