Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
