just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
